Motivation

After I chose a treadmill on the opposite side of the gym from the Woman With Big Elbows (because she scares me), I was punished by three pregnant woman choosing the ellipticals behind me as the site of their conversation about nursery paint. I asked myself why I even come to gym. The answer came in the form of contrasts.

I want to run 2.75 miles. I don’t want to run 2.75 miles faster.
I want my pants to get bigger before they get smaller. I don’t want to need smaller pants.
I want the missing Boy Scout to come home. I don’t want to watch about him on CNN.
I want to like soy milk. I don’t want it to make me skinny.
(The televisions at the gym seriously interfere with my thinking)
I want this run to be over. I don’t want to get to work.
I want a complete dissertation. I don’t want to write it.
I want to talk to Zooey and Lyman.* I don’t want to talk to my adviser.
And with that last one, I hit 2.75 and went home.

*pseudonyms

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5 responses to “Motivation

  1. Whenever I have one of those strange, horrible run-ins, I consider them another chapter in my “Life is Definitely Not Fair” book. My current ongoing chapter, with no end in sight, is that my neighbor down the street with healthy 3 year old twins just recently gave birth to her 2nd set of healthy, near-term twins. She gets TWO sets of twins, and I couldn’t have my one?? Sigh…

    Good for you for sticking with your run in spite of it all! You will be my inspiration to make sure I get on the treadmill today too!

  2. I should add that I never wished my neighbor, or her babies any harm… I am just completely and totally envious every time I see them loading in those two infant car seats.

  3. Of course you don’t wish her harm. That’s the sort of irony in it all. In my sick mind, I was thinking about how optimistic they were being by discussing it all. Big stomach does not equal healthy baby. But even as I thought that, I said a little prayer that they wouldn’t have to learn that personally.

  4. Yes, I hate those moments. I’ve gotten to the point where I try to pretend in my head that all the pregnant women I see are all infertile or have gone through infant loss too. It makes them more deserving I think.

    Silly, hmm?

  5. It’s great that your were able to make it to the gym. My energy level is still so low that I often come home from work and go straight to bed.

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