Dear John – a break up note to a doctor

I don’t call Dr. M by his first name, nor is John necessarily his name. But I just made a final break with my old doctor. It actually makes me very sad, even though it’s for the best. I wrote him a two-page letter explaining in detail why I’m leaving him. I told him it’s not him, it’s his nurses. I wonder if he’s heard that before.

I wonder what he’ll do about it.

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10 responses to “Dear John – a break up note to a doctor

  1. If Dr. M. hasn’t heard his staff does not treat patients well, he’s got his head in the sand.

  2. I am glad you wrote him a letter giving your reasons. Many patients would not have done that. Yes, he might have an inkling that something is right with his nurses but this puts it front and center. I hope you hear back from him Sarah.

  3. You are awesome! I am sure it was hard to write, but it must feel good to do the right thing and take care of yourself. Maybe I will finally send my letter, too, maybe.

  4. Yeah, I honestly felt like as a doctor he was exceptional – and that since he knew that I was pregnant again, he would be concerned if I just vanished. But maybe I’m projecting. I guess we’ll see.

  5. It’s good to respond and let people know what we think. How can ever improve his practice, and help more patients if he doesn’t?

    Good for you!

  6. I hope you hear back from him, and I hope he does something to address the situation.
    The first appointment at the new practice is tomorrow, right? I am assuming you will need a lot of new posts for the “before?” šŸ™‚

  7. Good for you!

    I’ll bet you will hear back from him. I wrote a letter to my doctor explaining to him why I was choosing to see a peri. for my subsequent pregnancy, and he called me right away. It was a different situation, and not nearly so intense, but I still appreciated him calling me and telling me he understood. He also emphasized several times how much he appreciated me writing to him. I’m not sure many patients take the time to do that when leaving a doctor.

    I hope he really thinks about making some changes in his office.

  8. What a thoughtful thing to do. I hope, for the sake of his other patients, that he pays attention.

    Afterwards, I felt almost as if I’d somehow failed my doctor. She has a high-risk practice, but the vast majority of her cases either have good results or end up with the parents deciding to terminate the pregnancy because of serious abnormalities. (which was the reason they were referred to her in the first place). She kept telling me how unusual my situation was — which seemed hard to believe — but I couldn’t think of a reason for her saying it if it wasn’t true.

    So, I wrote her a letter, basically saying that, even though the pregnancy hadn’t worked out the way we’d hoped, I appreciated everything that she’d done for me. I guess, in a way, I felt kind of sorry for her.

  9. Sara, I’m so glad you did this.

    Niobe, my midwife cried with me after Z.’s transfer, before we knew her diagnosis was wrong. I think people who are in the business of medicine for the right reasons are full of compassion and connection.

  10. I have wanted to do the same thing for similar reasons. I can’t leave my current doctor until July 1 though.

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