So I’ve been working consistently since about 8:30am this morning. I thought just now that that means I should take a break like regular people. Hence you lucky readers get a post. I’ll try to make it one worth your 2 minutes. First, in answer to Rosepetal’s comment (so glad you’re reading by the way!), yes, you can link to me. I don’t know but I don’t think she’ll find me here. I’ve tried thoroughly to search myself and couldn’t find this blog, so that’s safe. As for linking through other blogs, well, I don’t think she’ll do that but if she does, at this point I’ll do something to get rid of her.

I’ve noticed that my link to the little baby in blue in the last post no longer works. Too bad since it’s the most disturbing one, but for matters other than my entertainment, I’m glad the horror is gone. I hope her life is better than that treatment of her photographic image implies.

I’m functioning well enough – but anxiety is definitely winning on a regular basis. Or maybe it’s caution. I don’t know. In any case, starting about two days ago I noticed an increase in infrequent & painless contractions. Nothing like before, of course, or you’d be hearing from me from a hospital ward. Logically, I know it’s harmless and is right in line with what Dr. K told me to expect, better than we expected, actually. Even still, emotionally, I cannot bear it. The only way I don’t feel them is to half sit/half lie on the couch with a pillow under my hip. I’m so lucky that I can work from this position. I tried to put it out of my mind, to rationalize it, but that 3.5cm measurement of my cervix got to me. I know it’s good but it’s only halfway good. Any shorter and we’d start worrying, so here I am worrying about whether I should be worrying. Worrying about what’s in store for Tuesday’s measurement, since we may have possibly lost 8mm in 6 days. Yes, we’re still better off than last time, but I want a more than just a better outcome because there’s a plethora of possible outcomes between better and best. Maybe I need to take Catherine’s nurses advice and think good thoughts.

Here’s one: our young neighbors who smoked on the porch making our living room stinky if the window was open have been replaced by a family with two very young kids already and the woman is pregnant. Wait, is that a good thought or not? I’ll let you know in a few months.

Updated to add: You can link to me as Further Records now. The old title is a better one, but alas. How about a contest? I’ll give a gold star to the first person who can guess how/why I chose the new title. Also, I called the doctor because I just wanted some comfort for my nerves. The nurse told me exactly what I know already, that there’s often a discrepancy between operators, machines, and transvag vs. abdom ultrasound, but she didn’t try to dismiss my anxiety at all, and suggested I come in Monday morning instead of Tuesday just to feel reassured faster. They’re so nice at this practice.


12 responses to “Breaktime

  1. I think anxiety and caution walk quite comfortably together in a sub. preg. Who can tell the difference??

    I’m glad the contractions are very light, but you are right to pay attention and be cautious. Don’t hesitate to call your doc if you feel the slightest bit worried!!

    Well… I’m glad you aren’t breathing in second hand smoke anymore, but the new family…. well, I can understand why that would be hard too. But maybe, like you said, it may end up being a very nice thing. I am hoping for a next door playmate for your new little guy!

  2. I’m smirking at your reference to Catherine’s nurse’s advice. It never ceases to amaze me that people who really should know better seem to manage to say things that make them seem just as clueless as everyone else.

    I’m sorry that you’re feeling even these very mild and predictable contractions and that it must seem like a very long time until your next appointment on Tuesday.

    Also, just wanted to be absolutely clear on this before I post a link because I don’t want to be responsible for that awful stalker woman finding you. Is it okay if I list and link to this blog in my blogroll under the name Further Records? Or have I got this totally wrong?

  3. Yes, just relax and think good thoughts and all will be well. :o)

    I’m hoping for better for you every single day. {{{hugs}}}

  4. Yes, I like Niobe, want to be perfectly clear that we can link to you. I can’t sleep knowing that some troll found you because of me. Are you going to go in early on Monday? I think it’s great that they offered that. I think your circumstances warrant additional worrying, but I wish you didn’t have to be miserable in the process due to the worrying. I like that we have now developed “anxiety about our anxiety”. We are worried about worrying too much. I wish you peace of mind.

  5. I agree with the nurse about the difference between transvag ultrasound and abdominal. Measurements can change a lot. So it IS important to keep that in mind. Yes, get checked out, but don’t drive yourself too crazy with worry.

    I’m emailing your something actually come to think of it, this may help. It’s a new study on progesterone intravaginally preventing cervix shortening.

  6. Very nice of them to take you on Monday. I will be checking in every five minutes then.
    Yeah– the neighbors thing is questionable, especially if she turns out to be the friendly type and a happy-go-lucky pregnant kind.

    And yeah, I am with Niobe on being confused– do we link under the new heading of Further thoughts, or can we re-direct the year of consolation link?

  7. i’m glad you found a comfy position and that you can get the next u/s sooner. thinking of you and wishing you less anxiety if at all remotely possible.

  8. Hope you have a big, comfortable lazyboy recliner that you can sit in…and doze off in too! Sounds like you are in good hands with your current medical practioners. I especially like that they got you in a day earlier (Monday). Tells me they are listening and responding in a positive way. Hope your weekend is as pain free as possible…and For the Record or Further Record, I enjoy reading your blog!

  9. BTW: I think the Further Record title means this story is not over.

  10. mmm…if i remember right, the “year of consolation” title (which i have to admit really is/was fabulous) was allusional and referred to something, perhaps in the Jewish cultural/belief tradition? and maybe that something was the keeping of a record?

    as for the appointment, i’m glad they bumped you up. i too dropped (more drastically than you) in cervix length in the early 20ishweeks period of my second pregnancy, and they whisked me off to bedrest…(in Halifax, actually, though i’m not sure if you’re still looking into that option..?) which kinda sucked, but considering the alternative, i was quite okay with it.

    i do hope there is no bedrest in your future, but more than that, am glad at least that you are being seen, and often, and taken seriously by the medical professionals you go to. that matters. in a lot of ways.

  11. Thanks all.

    Bon, we’re still very much considering Halifax. But it all depends on if they’ll consider us come Oct – Dec. I hope there’s no bedrest in my future, too, esp. not in the hospital.

    The titles have nothing to do with Judaism. I wouldn’t demand that kind of knowledge/guesswork.

  12. But somehow knowledge/guesswork about one of the figures in your dissertation is less demanding? 🙂

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