So I got another email with a very weird subject line from G., so I read it. Basically, she wrote that she’d called the Depression hotline for our university the other day because she realized she needs help, but that they’d not been able to get her an appointment for a number of weeks and then she told me a bit about her anxieties. My first instinct upon getting such an email would obviously be to reach out. Because she is clearly in need of help. I am not the right person to help though, obviously. But my second instinct is to feel a bit more nervous. Is this some sort of escalation because I’ve been ignoring her emails?

I feel somewhat crazy myself for even writing about this. But I have to emphasize and remember that this relationship between us is one she contrived. I could hardly match a name to her face before she saw I was pregnant one day last fall and began emailing me. She has always given me the creeps, and anyone who especially wants the attention of a pregnant woman especially scares me.

Josh suggests I email her back saying I’m sorry to hear about this and agree that she should find some professional help.

I’ve never had such a remotely strange experience.

It does remind me of a weird guy I dated years ago though. It was just after I graduated college. I met this guy and we went on a few dates. I was really not interested. He seemed nice enough but when I tried to break it off, he said, “You can’t do that.” I responded, “What? What do you mean?” He then answered, “We’re in a relationship and in a relationship two people have to agree, and I don’t agree. I still want to date.” But it only took my not returning his phone calls for a couple weeks or accepting a flower delivery and he went away.


9 responses to “Ummmmm….

  1. My suggestion would be just to ignore her totally, because my fear would be that she would completely misinterpret any kind of contact as showing that you wnted to continue your “relationship.” i really hope she leaves you alone and gets the help she so obviously needs.

    Oh, and that guy sounds very, very creepy.

  2. At first, I was going to agree with Josh and then I read Niobe’s comment. Perhaps whatever the “weird subject line” said, really read as I-need-attention?

  3. Would it be possible for you to call the same hotline and to impress upon them that they need to get her an appointment pronto? At my uni it is also possible to call the counseling deans with the same sort of request. If it works, you get to feel that you have done what you could without having to talk to her, and she can magically get that appointment, and, hopefully, that professional help she needs. I am with Niobe, and would worry about replying to her directly at all.

  4. I completely agree with Niobe that you should not reply to her. Julia has a great idea as well, to contact the hotline yourself.

    When I read your post I was reminded of a woman who bordered on being a stalker in my life several years ago. After dating for 4 years Mr. C and I broke up for about a year. When we got back together there was a woman who he had been out with a few times who continued to show up when we would be in social situations, especially whenever his band played a show (which at that time was almost every weekend). Without going into too much detail I will just say that eventually the only thing that got her to go away was a total and complete lack of communication with her, from anyone involved. Once she stopped getting attention (and yes, negative attention was more than enough to keep her around) she was no longer around.

  5. I guess I haven’t commented here yet, I didn’t mean to be anonymous. The above comment was frome me:)

  6. I’m on a break so I got the last two comments right away. Fun.

    I figured out it was you Basilbean, because you referred to Mr. C and his band. Which leads me to another question about your move….

    I thought Julia’s suggestion was a good one as well – I’d have to figure out what exactly she meant by “Depression hotline,” though. There are so many such things on a big university campus.

    I’ve also been toying with the idea of contacting our rabbi or cantor at the synagogue because she converted with them a couple of years ago. After Natan died and the cantor was sitting with us in the hospital, I asked her to please ask G to stop contacting me about a gift she wanted to give to the baby, because considering I didn’t even know her, she wasn’t on the list of people I wanted to speak to about his death. She (the cantor) seemed surprisingly unsurprised then to hear that G was making unwanted overtures. I was feeling weird about approaching them about her annoying me so much, but now that she’s brought up depression it might seem that asking them to help her is more in their realm.

  7. I am late to this, but first, that guy you dated sounds nuts! That would have freaked me out, or more likely made me laugh out loud inappropriately, if a guy said that to me.

    I guess I would question whether she has really contacted any “Depression Hotline” at all, or if this is a way to engage you. I kind of wonder what sort of service would put off a person claiming to be depressed by several weeks?? Maybe try no response at all and see what happens.

    I do think contacting your cantor or rabbi is a good idea. Always a good idea to have reliable third parties know what is going on in weird situations like this.

  8. i’m with the no reply camp. any sort of contact would be a nice excuse for her to revive the stalker tendencies. i’m sorry you have to deal with her, you certainly don’t need that stress right now.

  9. That is such a stalker move! I definitely agree with Josh that you should just recommend that she get professional help. Contacting the rabbi or cantor also sounds like a good idea because it is important for someone else to know what has been going on. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this now.

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