I spent the whole morning working! Can you imagine? I spent breakfast reading/commenting on blogs but was working away by 7:45am. So now it’s noon and I’m having lunch and blogging then it’s back to work. Today I actually feel quite good because I finished another decent draft of a chapter (okay so on my schedule I said I would be done with it on Friday, but it’s only Tuesday so that’s not too far behind, right?). Just have to put it aside for today and write a conclusion and make a few changes tomorrow and it’ll be really ready to hand in on Thursday.
I have lots to distract me from the increasing horror of week 22. Meeting with adviser on Thursday – one I have only corresponded with via email since April so she didn’t know I was pregnant. I was tempted to not tell her until I saw her, but I thought that might be too much of a shock. I’m so terrified that I’ll have to notify people of bad news again. But back to happy thoughts, the best part of the week, lunch with Kate on Friday. I get to meet Castor and Pollux, er, I mean Max and Theo!
I’m in a good place right now, having finally put the two big work tasks that have been plaguing me since before behind me. I know some of you can relate, being academics or writers yourselves, to how extraordinarily difficult it has been to return to things I was in the midst of when I went into the hospital. It’s a constant reminder of the horror, and now, my terrible in between place. I’m excited to be starting again from scratch on a chapter.
At the same time, I’m terrified that my life is about to be thrown into turmoil and tragedy again. Yesterday afternoon, at one point I felt really ready to cry my anxiety was getting so intense, but I told myself I had to wait until I finished the section I was writing. By the time I’d finished, the sad moment had passed although I was then crabby and intensely stressed out for awhile.
I have decided on an evening routine – about 8:30 or so I’ll go into the bedroom, turn down the lights, burn a candle, and read quietly while listening to music. Does anyone have any other practical relaxation tips that have worked for you, for days and moments when this begins to feel like too much?