Love Affair

Yesterday at the hospital the resident asked me when was the last time I had sex. Seeing as they put me on “pelvic rest” right away in this pregnancy, I don’t even know. I just started laughing. It’s funny how often I get reminded not to have sex. But seeing as I was reading a site about cerclages a while back and a woman wrote into the forum, “My husband and I accidentally had sex last night – is that okay?” I can see why they might want to emphasize that they meant it. “Accidentally?” C’mon folks.

It reminds me of a time in high school where a friend lost her virginity because her boyfriend “accidentally” penetrated her and of course it’s impossible to stop once it’s in! That sort of incident does have a name and it’s not “accident.” But as for the woman on the cerclage site, she seemed to have been consenting. Perhaps my experience has been wrong, because I don’t see “accident” as a plausible scenario.

So anyway, back to the story. She said, “okay, so then there’s been nothing in your vagina since then?” Nope except for a speculum or two (or six), some doctors’ hands, a dozen ultrasound wands, and a few cotton swabs, we’re all clear in there. Not that I’m enjoying it, but I’d say another baby-size headstone would put far more of a damper on our future than some abstinence. I am having quite an active dream life, however.

I was wondering, yesterday, how much less active I could possibly be than I have been already. But I realize that even if it hasn’t been vigorous activity, I haven’t been that sedentary. At least half a dozen times last night I almost got up to do something and then thought, do I really need to get up? It’s like when the electricity goes out, only then do you realize how mindlessly you’ve been using it. Only in this situation it’s my ability to get up and walk around.

But in terms of how to entertain myself, I think I’ll be fine. Just gotta keep working away.

Edited to add: Holy crap another week has almost passed! I am almost sleeping through them it seems!


12 responses to “Love Affair

  1. accidentally? hmmm. perhaps someone needs to explain to them the meaning of that word – was it, like, “oops, i tripped and fell onto my naked husband and this pointy bit just…well…you know”

    i do think those of us who’ve been through a pregnancy only to come home without a living child are perhaps a bit more earnest than others in taking the “pelvic rest” concept seriously.

    23 weeks! this is good. stay off those feet, be a nice couch potato, write a wicked dissertation, do us proud.

  2. Let Josh get it for you!

  3. Wicked dissertation. Yup– I am down with that.
    I know this potted plant lifestyle is not your thing. Maybe it is time for a Netflix subscription? You want I should get it for you?

  4. Julia, we actually have a 4-at-a-time(!) Netflix sub. We received 3 as a gift, but then added another one after Natan died, thinking we needed the extra distraction. You should be our Netflix “friend” though.

  5. Yeah, Netflix supported our Soviet animation marathon, and now we have a run of 1980s sitcoms. Cheers is actually a good show!

  6. I don’t even play around with sex even though I’m not on bed rest. My mom keeps asking me, “why don’t you exercise?”… She doesn’t get it when I tell her that we lost a baby last time without doing much so why the hell should we start now? I knew a friend in high school who said she got pregnant without having sex. She said their genitalia accidentally “lined up”, but there was no penetration (eww). She must be the most fertile woman in the world and the boyfriend the most potent. Take it easy B!

  7. I think bedrest is easier on women who have access to a computer and other things to entertain them, as well as family and friends to help. Yes, we try to be very careful because we know what the consequences can be, but I found it hardest if all I had to do was sit around and think about my cervix.

    You know….there are variations on pelvic rest? Like where the woman is allowed to have an orgasm, but no intercourse. Just in case you never asked…it was an option I was allowed after I went into early labour with Mac and they were concerned about my cervix funneling.

    Might prevent the temptation to have an accident? hehe

  8. Monica, I’m definitely at your level of caution and fear. My first pregnancy (that lasted all of 10 weeks….) I exercised daily, just continued my normal routine until the miscarriage. With Natan, I took it easy weeks 8-12, but swam pretty regularly. Now, no way. I just want to keep things calm and quiet. I’ll deal with the aftereffects later. The baby will get lots of brisk walks and maybe Mommy/Baby Yoga and Pilates….Please let that be possible.

    Aurelia, I didn’t know about the variations on pelvic rest! Alas, I’m sure I’m in the no orgasm category since orgasms can spark contractions.

  9. I would think an orgasm, whether with penetration or not, would still cause muscle spasms, which might cause contractions. Unfortunately, R and I have been pretty celibate since about 4 mos in. We’re never in the mood at the same time anymore and the fact that I keep eating (and hate having sex when I’m full) doesn’t help. But we’ve got to get it out of our system before the 3rd tri. I will not risk it after that, with the potential risk for preterm labor.

    Well, I hope you’re getting enough intimate time with Josh, even if it’s non-orgasmic!

  10. I was allowed orgasms. Am I the only one who feels that pregnant orgasms were/are the best? I’m several years out and my memory is affected by beta-blockers, but isn’t the hormone in sperm a problem?

  11. Yeah, Thrice, semen can actually stimulate contractions – so I’m thinking if by some miracle I go to term it might be useful to make up for lost time.

    Mary – you and R better start asking fast. 3rd trimester will be upon us soon – I hope.

  12. No one has asked me about this and I have been too shy to ask the doctor. So, there’s been nothing (not even hand holding!) since conception. I was puking too badly in the first trimester (not to mention a small bleed and the disgusting crinone I was using). Really, not the most appealing sight, I might add. My husband is too terrified of causing a problem, so we’re just gonna abstain until the end. I have been having some rather randy dreams though. But, at this point, I’m not taking even the tiniest chance.

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