Wow. It’s 3:34pm and I have done nothing today. I’ve chatted with friends, played a card game with Josh and read blogs. Consequently perhaps, I have nothing to say. Two days ago I wrote a “teaching philo.sophy” for the one job for which I still intend to apply (because it’s in a location we’d like to be near and it specifically says it will take apps from ABD’s (all but dissertation)). I don’t really know what it means to have and to write a “teaching philo.sophy” but I looked at some examples and gave it my best shot. Yesterday I made a few edits to that philosophy. Today I haven’t even managed that much.
I think if I were to look back in my archives, and back at myself, there was a time when I would have rejoiced at 31 weeks. Well I’m certainly glad to still be pregnant, but I’m not ready to give it up yet. I’m all the more anxious now to make it to 32. At 32, if 32, I’ll probably not be happy when I think about how much better 34 would be.
Ten cloth diapers arrived yesterday with a moby.wrap baby carrier. Ack. I actually hugged and kissed a diaper. I’m clearly insane. More evidence for that would be that I really have to ask this question: If I’m laying on my left side and the baby starts kicking me on that side, am I squishing him? I’m neurotically afraid I will inadvertently crush him. Which is ridiculous. Of course I won’t. I just have so little to distract me from neurotic thoughts right now. There’s plenty I could be doing, but it wouldn’t distract me I’m sure. I’d just be doing things while thinking crazy thoughts.
In a burst of optimism, Josh and I cleared out a drawer in the armoire last evening and made it the diaper drawer. We have to gradually clean out that piece of baby furniture we’ve been pretending is for our stuff for too long now. But I thought it was pretty darn impressive that we took a step in that direction rather than shoving the diapers in the closet or making them live in the outside hallway.
I have a list of other things I could have done today and will have to in the coming days. Oh well. I may never have such an excuse to be lazy in my life again. That’s a wish, actually, in case anyone’s listening.