Another fine doctor’s appointment. Dr. K just measured my uterus, checked the baby’s heart rate, and confirmed that the ache right under my rib cage was indeed a firmly planted pair of feet. If all goes well I won’t get another cervix check before the cerclage removal – she said she wanted to “give [my] vagina a break.” I’m fine with that. While it might be cool to hear another 3cm measurement, really there’s nothing to be done if it’s not and if it becomes a problem I should get a sign. Today was also my last progesterone shot. I suppose that was a milestone but honestly they hadn’t bothered me terribly.
I cannot believe I am a mere 3 weeks away from reaching the point of having the cerclage removed. That I am scared about, but no matter how much it hurts it won’t take long and it can’t hurt more than anything I’ve already experienced.
I’m excited, fairly optimistic, and yet still apprehensive. Not only because there are no promises still. We’re coming up on ten months since Natan died and I still feel like our grief is very fresh. On the one hand I know the safe birth of this baby will be healing, and that I cannot even comprehend how happy I will feel at that event, if it goes well and safely. These months have been ridiculously fast and terribly slow. And yet the idea that I may greet his first birthday with his baby brother safely in my arms still feels impossible, utterly incomprehensible.
Powered by ScribeFire.