Celebrity sighting

Look who has visited Tash’s blog in the comments section. No, I’m not talking about Julia and Niobe although that is also always an honor.

I have a fondness for the Edwards family. Not just because as I’ve made clear before I am rather left politically – John is “close enough” politically for me at the moment (although I won’t pretend I’m not more charmed by Obama). Not just because I admire deeply the meaning they have made from the loss of their son, without pretending it wouldn’t be infinitely better to have him here. And not just because I am actually rare in having a deep admiration and appreciation for malpractice attorneys. The second point though is obviously the most important one for this blog.

A blank blackboard. A very apt description of what I was left with after Natan died. What I’ve been most grateful for in the aftermath, however, so far has been my ability to restrain myself from refilling it. When I can do it, I will. Somehow I’ll reclaim the life I couldn’t imagine handling on that awful day 11 months ago.


7 responses to “Celebrity sighting

  1. I was impressed and amazed by the comment. Though, since what I do most days is listen to various people lying to me, I have to admit that a little voice asked “how do you know it really is her?”

    But using her metaphor, I wondered: is it possible to have a blackboard that is so full of things that can’t be erased, that there’s no room for the loss of a child?

  2. Thank you for steering me to that post, B. I totally understand Niobe’s cynicism, but honestly, from the times I have heard her speak, that sounds like Elizabeth Edwards to me, or at least, someone who can mimic her with great talent.

    I too, like her metaphor of a blackboard. I see it as the death of our children make us much more careful what we put up there, much more careful about what we worry about, day to day. As for Niobe’s comment, I don’t know, is there really no room on the blackboard, or is the person just refusing to put it up there?

  3. I’ve read her book, and it does indeed sound like her. It (sadly? cynically?) sounds like something she’s had a lot of practice writing to people — it’s a v. apt and well thought through and articulated metaphor. Without giving much away, I know someone who knows someone . . . I’m going to get an email to her to thank and verify.

  4. I feel fairly sure it was her – if you were going to pretend you were someone else, why say something nice? and so carefully put?

    Niobe – no I don’t think so. In the way you’re framing it, my blackboard was indeed already pretty full of unerasables.

  5. there was a furor over a post about Elizabeth Edwards a few months ago at Silicon Valley Mom’s blog…the writer had fired off a cheap shot kind of post, and E. E. came along and replied in the comments, with the same gracious, thoughtful tone as at Tash’s (not to say that your post wasn’t gracious itself, Tash, and really interesting). but i think she keeps track of posts that mention her by name in the blogosphere – not unusual, my partner does the same as ed tech’s his profession – and makes a habit of contributing to the conversation where she can.

    i’m Canadian, though obviously i don’t live under a rock so i know who she is, but i knew very little about her until that flurry of crap in the blogworld a few months ago. she handled herself with amazing grace, i thought.

    and Niobe…interesting. i think there are things that can be more damaging than the loss of a child, but it just depends on how and where experiences hit your vulnerable points. the worst things that have happened to me pre-Finn were about betrayal and violation and abandonment, and they definitely damaged me. but they didn’t make me feel exposed, because…well…i hid them. for years. and they festered and eventually i had to clean myself out and i’m still doing that. but Finn’s death exposed me publicly, forced me to confront what had happened to me and to him, and the erasure of all the silly pleasant bits i’d filled my blackboard up with to try to handle and surmount the other crap.

    we cling to our hurts in different ways and different places, i think. for me, this grief that i’m slowly healing from trumps all the previous stuff. but i was mostly through that stuff when i lost my child – i’d managed, after years, to leave it behind. had i not, it might just have mixed up all together.

  6. Wow Bon – Just went and read the furor at that other blog. The original post is gone but I’m wondering how I managed to miss all that controversy. I guess because it happened in the midst of my repeated trips to L&D and stays in the hospital.

    And “it just depends on how and where experiences hit your vulnerable points” – I completely agree. I couldn’t have said it better.

  7. How did your appointment go?

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