Neverending story

Josh commented last night that he feels like a liar for having been so anxious two months ago, and for telling a friend of ours who returned from abroad last week that the baby would “definitely” be here by the time we saw him next. I am with him completely in this sentiment. This seems impossible. Will the baby ever be born? It is of course impossible that he won’t. How strange to be in this place.

I did yoga yesterday. I feel better right now than I have in months. My sister tells me that the baby will be born the day after I think I can’t possibly feel any worse. I had days like that months ago. Now I feel freaking great, physically, by comparison. Anxiety is going to possibly drive me over the edge.  A sobbing fest as I went to sleep last night. None of the safe lay solutions are going to do anything, clearly, because I have not been resting or avoiding heartburn. I am committed to waiting it out – induction is not ideal. Hopefully it won’t come to that. I am not in need of new ideas. We could not be more prepared. I just want this over with, I am whinier every day that goes by, and I am tired.


12 responses to “Neverending story

  1. Yes, I too never thought you would be in this situation. I have a friend who had two losses due to PTL. I hope she reads your blog. You truly are a success story, perhaps too successful 🙂 I check bloglines every time I hear the beep. I always hope it is you with a birth story. He will come, but I know the waiting is hard. I always envy the women who don’t find out they are pregnant until they have missed two periods and then they get their baby after only 6 or so months waiting. How nice that must be. I wish I had any advice. I was induced, but that was because my loss was three days AFTER my due date and psychologically I could not handle going past 38 weeks. Personally, I’d have more sex, cause you won’t be havin’ any after the baby comes!!!

  2. Ugh, the wait is an ETERNITY, isn’t it. Much better to have on the outside where you can feel as if you can control things a bit better, at least for a few months. Induction does rather suck, so I’m hoping things get moving. walk, walk, walk. yoga’s good too. How about scheduling something? Baby is always one for messing up a schedule. Plan a trip to a spa or to get some labor inducing acupuncture. Money says baby comes before appointment.

  3. I hope the baby comes before Sunday, but if not, would you be up for a knit/crochet date?

  4. I kind of disagree with your sister, in that I went into labour after feeling more energetic.

    Of course, I also had a bizarre urge to put shelf paper on every shelf in the house, and paint stencils on the wall. I think it was nesting, but I’m not sure, anyway, that was what my energy was spent on.

    Maybe feeling good is a good sign?

    And if worst comes to worst, then being induced in your case, would only mean breaking your water. Seriously, at 4 cm dilated, and fully effaced, you’ll be the easiest most low tech induction EVER. and by now, you are very likely 5-6 cm dilated. I have a friend who went in for an induction and discovered she was 9 cm dilated, pain free and the day before at the Doc’s office had only been 4 cm, so who knows? Trust me, anything can happen!

  5. Beruriah: I’m sure that you know this, but it’s fine to feel frustrated, whiny, and anxious right now. First of all, this has been a really long journey for the three of you, and while every pregnancy has its ups and downs, yours involved a lot of uncertainty, hope, fear – in short an emotional roller coaster. If it’s any consolation, I was totally whiny and pretty desperate the last week. My doctor had told me (because the baby was really big) that I would definitely not go to my due date, but never say never, right – I did. Anyhow, two days before I delivered I was so frustrated and anxious, that I decided I was going to do something I hadn’t done for four months – walk our 130-pound dog. Of course, she saw her favorite corgi within five minutes, wrapped me up in the leash and dragged me ten feet. I skinned both knees and sprained an ankle. And I felt like the biggest idiot that had ever lived. I limped home and cried for two and a half hours nonstop – I almost sucked my thumb, I swear.

    Anyhow, this is a rather long way of saying that he will come. And, whatever happens, however he ends up coming into the world you and he will be fine. You’ll have people who love you there, and doctors who are invested in your family and your baby. And you’ll be great. Trust yourself (and I know how loaded that must sound). You’ve done great, and so has he. He’ll be here soon.

  6. I hate to say… but I think the sobfest was a good sign. I always became exceedingly emotional in the days just prior to labor. Maybe??

    You have every right to be anxious and impatient and tired etc… I wish I could snap my fingers and have that beautiful boy safe in your arms right now.

  7. Whiny, tired, wanting it over with, in your last week? Dang it, B, I’ve been that way for almost 2 weeks myself and I’ve got 3 more weeks to go! I say you are doing pretty good! Good for you for doing some yoga. I agree with Aurelia, being induced in your case might just mean breaking your water, and it could turn out not to be too bad.

    Thinking of you and your little one, hoping he knows he should hurry it up, and come out already!

  8. “I have a friend who went in for an induction and discovered she was 9 cm dilated, pain free and the day before at the Doc’s office had only been 4 cm” Aurelia- That should NEVER EVER be allowed, just so not fair. LOL.

    Beruriah- Every day I check in with anticipation. I don’t know what to really say anymore. Wishing Josh, the baby and you all the best!!

  9. There’s really nothing left to say! But thank you Thrice. I’m ready for this to be done.

  10. I don’t really know what to say, either, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you a lot and hoping your little guy is born SOON.

  11. i’m glad you did yoga! that must have felt sooo great. you are an inspiration to me! sending you lots of love from us and the kitties and the doggie.

  12. And, far from ideal and I hope it doesn’t come to that, in many cases, induction is relatively quick and painless and doesn’t lead to any other kind of interventions.

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