Distance

In a funny twist on yesterday’s post – I went back and read the comments and noticed that Kate stated that Northrup had Oprah-style thinking. Well guess who was on Oprah last week? And is her lauded on her favorite ob/gyn. He he. Sometimes Oprah does good things. Not that time.

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Awhile back, and I’m not going to provide links, bloggers I read ran their sites through this engine that gave them a rating for reading level, based I guess on the bigness of their words. I did mine but never bothered to post. This blog was judged to be at a middle-school reading level. I was slightly offended by that. I decided to check out my old blog’s reading level, to see if it was different. My old blog, for those of you have been around long enough to remember it, received a post-college reading level score. I am apparently a living, breathing example of declensionism.

Now that Samuel is here, I am delightfully banal. My biggest concerns revolve around the color of a baby’s snot, trying to read a bit, and whether I’ll ever fit back into my old pants. Children, work, and weight. So typically adult, so stereotypically female. It’s a facade, I suppose. Not a false front, but one that is done up to look a bit more pleasant than its interior.

Even still I’m struggling with some very normal stuff right now. We’re coming up on 6 weeks since Samuel’s birth. I expect that on Friday Dr. K will release me for more intense exercise and sex. I gained from my first pregnancy through Samuel’s birth, 55 pounds. I’ve lost 30. I need to lose 25 more, without plunging myself into sadness over the amount of time that might take. As for sex, I haven’t discussed it here yet but I had a 4th degree tear. I’m scared.

Samuel’s 6th week also marks the end of my “vacation.” If I am going to finish my dissertation by December, or even a year from April, I need to get back to work. I’m hoping to muster up the ability to care by next Sunday.

And so you can see why I’m worried about this blog’s future. There are so many mommy bloggers out there. Academics and dieters are plentiful as well. They all do it so well. I am not so sure I have much more to say.

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10 responses to “Distance

  1. 6 weeks is just the time it takes to shrink your uterus. Your tear may not be “up” to it and I’m betting Josh will be highly unlikely to pressure you, so give yourself a few more weeks.
    Maybe just fool around for a while–like kicking the tires instead of a full test drive.

    As for the weight? You’ve earned every single ounce doing the hard work of creating a human life. That’s a really big accomplishment. Don’t make yourself too crazy trying to lose it too fast. I was always told 9 months up, and 9 months down at minimum, exercise or no. And if you are still breastfeeding, it might take longer for the last few pounds. So exercise away, but be gentle with yourself on the emotional front, ok?

    And don’t stop blogging. I’ve missed you!

  2. I felt the same way. I didn’t feel like myself and I too wondered what the point of blogging anymore was since I got my, “take home baby”.

    I’d wait on the sex for a while. Fourth degree? Ouch! But I do recall that Samuel was a ‘big un.

    I love your blog. Please don’t stop.

  3. S- I have felt that way on several occasions. I would go several days, even a week, without a single thought I felt the need to put “on paper.” But, so far, something has always come up again. I still find writing therapeutic but I am learning not to force myself into therapy (so to speak). I write when things move me, and I don’t worry about it if I don’t.

    I think I would feel sad if I didn’t get to read about the ways that you and Samuel grow together. I hope you will decide to let us all continue to travel with you.

  4. Actually I think you do have something to add, but of course you have to decide whether you want to put in that time besides taking care of Samuel, Josh, your dissertation etc.
    As for the sex, I don’t know what 4th degree means but the sound of it is painful already. After an abdominal surgery I was supposed to wait at least 6-8 weeks and have an exam to make sure everything healed properly. Little did I know it would take a full year until it wasn’t too painful to enjoy… meds to suppress my sexual hormones didn’t help with it. I hope your physical healing is much faster than that!

  5. I had very small tears with Alexander & sex HURT so much. I would wait if you can. Sorry i am not making you feel better i know…

    Your blog is 4th grade reading level? OK, that makes mine, what, pre-k? Probably.

  6. i think you have more to say because you are you…because your voice is different, to me, than most out there. or perhaps, just because i like it.

    as for the tear…i had an unwanted episiotomy that had to be opened for an immediate d&c (right AFTER they stitched it) post-birth and so was in effect a lot like a 4th degree tear, perineal. it took a year for things to not hurt. go gentle. don’t push yourself…the baggage i built up thinking i should be good to go was as bad as the physical healing.

  7. I had an episiotomy AND tore a rectal muscle with Bella, which quite frankly, was worse than the labor. In contrast to above, both healed v. quickly (after that initial 14 days, which were quite possibly the most uncomfortable of. my. life.). Maybe it’s a per person thing? I like Aurelia’s idea, if it is indeed possible, which I’m gathering you’ll know. Not for nothing, but I didn’t “get my drive back” until I was done BF’ing — something about those hormones really didn’t sit well with the rest of it.

    Having done both, losing live baby weight is easier than deadbaby weight. BF’ng certainly helps as does just wanting to be out and about and up with the tot. I think calories are burned simply having to stay up and at ’em at all hours.

    I hope you don’t quit blogging. I REALLY hope you don’t quit commenting, regardless if the vocabulary is PreK or PhD. And I’d like to run a few history books through that meter and see what it comes up with . . .

  8. Thanks all. I will try to stick around. And I’m sure Josh will be patient – probably more so than me.

    Damn Tash – most of the leftover weight I have is deadbaby weight. I have only 8 pounds of this pregnancy weight left to lose….

  9. I am trying to lose the weight too. It’s really, really hard. But I am determined to do it.

    Please keep blogging and commenting. I NEED your words of wisdom, kindness and support.

  10. Declension.

    Since the stillbirth last week I’ve barely been able to form a complete sentence or a truly coherent thought.

    But if I’m honest with myself my communication skills have been deteriorating for years. I wish I’d spent less time in the engineering department and more time in the liberal arts department.

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