Something came up

Something came up today that’s quite relevant to this blog and things happening in my favorite corners of blogland so if Samuel remains calm while I pump here I’ll post about it.

I ran into someone with whom I share a long history of mutual dislike. No details necessary. She looked at Samuel and asked how old he was. I said about 12 weeks. She said, “Oh he’s so big. I thought he’d be older. I thought you’d have had him a long time ago,” and she looked confused. I have no idea if she knew about Natan and I didn’t want to prolong the conversation just in case I was misunderstanding her. I saw no reason to enlighten her so I just smiled. She said, “what was he, almost 9 pounds?” Yup, I said, again no reason to be specific, really. She then told me how her baby born two years ago was 8 and half pounds and that was great except of course you have to have a c-section to birth a baby born that big so that was a disappointment. She looked at me so expectantly. What a perfect opportunity for me to compete. She’s the kind of person who makes you want to do that – one up her at any opportunity because she’s such a braggart.

But I felt sad for her. No need to tell her to just be grateful the baby was alive. No need to tell her, that well, actually, I pushed a 9 lb 9 oz baby out of my vagina. None of that. I just looked at her blankly while thinking quietly, “Is there just nothing we can’t feel bad about?”

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8 responses to “Something came up

  1. I don’t like talking to people like that. But you are right– it also seems sad that these are the kinds of things she finds satisfaction in, or we can only assume that she does.

  2. It is sad. And she probably is truly disappointed that she had a c-section.

  3. I hate moments like that. I always think in the abstract that I’m going to whip out a one-liner and completely bring the other person down to the floor, and I never do in real life. Chicken? Or too nice? Clearly someone for whom things always go right, and the rare variations are rare and minor. Bleh.

  4. WWJAD?

    What Would Jane Austen Do?

  5. Sometimes the blank look is the best response of all….

  6. Thanks for stopping by and commenting:)
    I have a friend like yours. They are the “Jones” in their own minds. It’s hard to have a conversation when it’s always about them…I remember just a few weeks after we lost C@leb, her complaining to me about how the winds had blown over all of her new trees in her back yard and how depressing and hard it was to have to replace everything. She never mentioned how hard things might be for me just then…isn’t people’s insensitivity just astonishing! I think Niobe is right, she, your “friend” is probably feeling hugely cheated about csection. Boy she should be so lucky to have that be her huge “birth failure”.

  7. The blank look is the best response. It is sad really, but you know, she probably IS sad about a C-section. I met lots of people like that – who felt ‘cheated’ because the birth didn’t go exactly to plan. They have no idea what ‘not exactly to plan’ really means. I suppose we should maybe just let them have their ignorance, but there are times I bite my tongue because I want to correct them.

  8. It never feels as good as you think it will to take down a person who is truly sad and clueless. The blank stare is really the bigger and more compassionate response.

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