Separation Anxiety

I am still slightly shaken. I went to my mailbox this afternoon and pulled out a letter from Dr. K’s practice. Upon pulling the letter out of the envelope, I saw the phrases “long and hard decision” and “accepted a position in San Diego,” and my heart dropped. We’ll only be here another year*. We won’t be going through another pregnancy with her. Yet somehow just the thought that she could be gone made me feel lost.

I am clearly crazy. I may feel like I needed her to have Baby Man, but there are other doctors in this city who can do my next pap.

I quickly moved my eyes to the signature line: “Sincerely, Dr. J.”

Not her. Thank goodness.

* I know I said that last year but that was before the job market unexpectedly landed JJ with a 1 year position back in our own department.

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7 responses to “Separation Anxiety

  1. Yeah, losing a Doctor you count on can be incredibly traumatic. I hate that I can’t have my regular Doc deliver this baby. Learning how to trust another doctor is just killing me.

    So, is this your way of telling us you are thinking about getting pregnant again? Or that you are?

  2. Last summer we got an invitation in the mail from a Bella classmate (whose mum called the school to get the list of kids in advance, since the party was the v. first weekend of school). And I sat there and looked at the return address and thought, damn that name looks familiar. And it hit me: OB from the practice. The one who spoke to me minutes after the NICU doctor told us Maddy would likely die. The one who prescribed my AD’s. And the one I *didn’t* chose when the office split up later that spring. So it was odd, but I had to let her know who I was so I (or she) didn’t completely freak when we saw each other. Awk-ward.

  3. it is funny the things we count on to help us feel safer where we can never feel safe.

    i have been able to have the same local OB through my pregnancies, and a consistent specialist in Halifax too. unfortunately, it being Canada, i’ve never had either of them for the clusterfucks that were my deliveries…but for the rest, they make me feel cared for. and i just realized how appalled and dismayed i would have been if i showed up pregnant and one of them were just…gone.

    no matter how you do not plan to need her, i am glad it was not your doc.

    and congrats to Josh.

  4. I pretty much hate all my doctors. If they all move to San Diego — or Guam or anywhere far away from me — I promise to have a huge party.

  5. Aurelia – no way to both

    Tash – oiy, that sounds incredibly awkward and difficult

    Bon – that’s one of the very reasons I’m sad we will eventually leave here. If we do decide to do this again (and it will absolutely not be soon), I’ll have to go doctor shopping and telling my whole story again

    Niobe – you’d better invite me.

  6. Argh, doctors. I don’t even know where to begin to comment. I’m glad that you are in your comfort zone for another year.

  7. I haven’t found a doctor yet I like. I’ve seen half a dozen of them in the last three months and don’t have the least bit confidence that any of them could give me a living child.

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