Monthly Archives: June 2009

It’s Me, Apparently

So back before I had a baby, I had friends and siblings who had babies. And I was fun for the kids. I would walk in the door, and they would go wild. Jump on me, scream, begin tumbling, climb on my head. Dance, sing, laugh. Fun.  I never understood exactly what I did to provoke such behavior. The self-proclaimed adults would sigh and say, “When you have your own kids, you won’t have the energy….”

After Natan died, any wildness involving me and children stopped for awhile. First because I avoided most people with babies. Second because I quickly became pregnant again and any and all wildness involving my body stopped. My nieces and nephews were disappointed. Then Baby Man came along, and I’ve been busy with him. I don’t visit very often, and when I have, I often have to be attentive to his needs. I sometimes wondered if I had become one of the dull adults who children don’t notice.

Apparently not. At least not to Baby Man. This morning he woke up very early, yelling, “Mommy, mommy!” Got him up, came downstairs, and sat down to think about what to do now, in the dark, an hour that felt like hours before I wanted to be awake. Daylight is very important to me.

It’s not a normal thing anymore, to get up so early, but we were at a party last night until 6:30 and had to drive an hour home. He slept on the ride, which meant he went to bed, in essence, an hour early. Anyway, as I’m sitting on the floor with him, he suddenly jumps up, yells, “Ahhhh!” and then pushes me over, climbs on top of me and begins bouncing like a wild man. I responded by taking him off me and putting him back on the floor. But then he tackled me from behind, climbed up my shoulders and sat on my head.

I guess I really am some kind of human trampoline slash jungle gym.

The Plan

We still don’t know anything about the Two Good Options we have left for next year, so are trying to move forward with our reserve plan. Looking into moving back to an area where JJ has family, and where I spent my college years and very early adulthood. I sent out a bunch of letters looking for part-time work on Monday, and lo and behold, I already have a bite from a decent school in the area to which we’re probably moving. It’s just one class and will pay crap, I’m sure, but it will keep me in the game and give me a reason to think in the morning.

Niobe was so right in her comment on my post below. I think what’s freaking me out most of all right now, is knowing that we have to move in 6 weeks, no matter what. Until we decided to just make a decision, we had no clue about where we were going. And now we’re making the decision to move to a very expensive place, and just crossing our fingers that it works out well. Fortunately, very fortunately, for us, we can depend upon the family out there to help us financially, although it does mean really letting go of our pride to do so.  But it’s hardly the worst thing that’s happened. I used to do spontaneous and brave and life-changing things all the time, before Baby Man arrived.

I’ve been gonoe so long from this space, I just don’t know where to begin to make it interesting again.  So just in case anyone, including Niobe, is still reading this, I’m going to open to floor to requests. What do you want to know about?

18 months

Baby Man was 18 months yesterday. He is sweet; he is wonderful; he is the greatest thing ever.

My dissertation is defended, revised, submitted.

Life should be really really good right now. And in terms of family life, it is. But we’re in big trouble in certain ways. Neither of us have jobs. I could whine about that for quite awhile. About the poor market and the certain little details that have upset me and disenchanted me beyond belief (for example, unethical hiring committees who scheduled interviews and handed out positions before the closing date of the posting). The little blurb in the parentheses there is a true story I can positively prove happened twice this academic year, hence probably more.  I guess they figured the early bird gets the worm, but well, while as a parent I get up earlier than most birds, as a working parent of an infant, especially in the fall, I got all my applications in on time, but weeks early was simply not going to happen. Clearly I should have sacrificed the quality of my teaching and my other work for the sake of sketchy practices.

Assholes.

Anyway. I suppose we will survive and find work somehow.  No advice, please, I’ve had more than my fill of it from well-meaning folks and am doing all practical and possible things.

We have exactly 2 good possibilities still open. Other than that, we have a plan to move to a certain metropolitan area where we can get help from our families and hopefully get adjunct positions to keep us in the game.

I am angry. Not really at anyone in particular. But just angry because my family and my many friends who are also in very poor shape for next year earned better. But as we all know, especially in this space, deserving something does not mean you’ll get it.