Most certainly not

It’s that time. Lots of families with children Baby Man’s age are pregnant again, and some people are beginning to feel comfortable asking me if we’re considering having another one soon.

No.

No.

No.

Awhile back, I thought now might be a good time. But awhile back I didn’t know the bottom would fall out of our field, and that I’d be the provider for the family for the next year at least. I didn’t know that I’d end up grateful for a position that’s only 1 or 2 years instead of choosing between prime tenure-track jobs (ha, so naive.) I thought, perhaps, that JJ might have the t-t position and I could stay at home and pursue more creative work. As it stands now, I will have more than enough to do without adding first trimester exhaustion, navigating a new insurance plan and hospital system, and the rest of the special joy pregnancy brings to me to the mix.

More than that though, I didn’t realize how reluctant I would be to give up my brain again for a minimum of a year and a half. A minimum of a year because 18 months presumes I could get pregnant again immediately and have another baby on the first try. And I know very well that pregnancy makes me an anxious stupid mess. Add to that breastfeeding again. I honestly could barely get any work done at all before Baby Man began replacing breast milk feedings with solid food. He was an easy baby, but honestly I only recently began to feel like a fully-functioning adult and scholar again.

Add to that Baby Man himself. I love spending time with him so much, and I am anxious to think about what will happen to him and our relationship if I have a hard pregnancy and then another baby in the house. I know most families cope with the latter, and many the former. And, in good time, we may too. Just not now. There’s too much else going on.

Of course I don’t need to justify and the above is a much longer answer than most of the nosy questioners need.

Classes begin here in my new place in just a few weeks. Thankfully my syllabi are done but between now and then I want to get some lectures planned so I can manage better. We are all moved in to our new place, and except for the fact that the first floor toilet is leaking and I just discovered that neither of our doors open from the outside anymore (don’t worry, called about that immediately), it’s great. We have 4 bedrooms for less than we paid for our 1-bedroom and 2-bedroom apartments in the old city. When it’s really ready, I’ll post pictures of my very first very own office. I love it right down to the hideous pink and blue flower wallpaper.

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2 responses to “Most certainly not

  1. Ha! You totally had me right up until the wallpaper. 🙂
    But seriously, I know what you are saying. Actually had an interesting realization about that. Probly longer than a comment, so I will try to post about it at my own place. Perhaps even today, if I can get my shit together.

    Hope the doors and the toilet get fixed soon.

  2. Congrats on moving into a new place and working on getting settled.

    Ah, how pregnancy suddenly is everyone’s personal business. My kids are 5 years apart and oh the comments I get.

    I’ve read your post from today as well and thank you for your frankness and hope that whatever happens on your own terms in the way that is right for you.

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