Another one

Mother fracker. That’s the kind of thing you might hear come out of my mouth lately as I try not to corrupt my young son. The other day he dropped a toy on the ground and said, “Oh shit.” Not that I am particularly vulgar in front of him, but the morning before that, in the midst of unpacking some books in the basement, I did drop a huge load of them on my foot (causing a huge bruise and bump) and say, “shit” out loud and then all kinds of other things under my breath. He was a floor away, but …

So that’s what I said when I got another email announcing a pregnancy, “Mother Fracker.” This one a friend of mine who had a baby a month after Baby Man was born. Ergh. Their choices have nothing to do with us. But I feel so…behind. Ridiculous, I know, because Baby Man is enough. He’s fun and energetic, and I think to myself, “If I were pregnant now, I could not spend the day at the zoo with him!”And I never want to give that up.

But damn it, other mothers can. I see plenty of pregnant women marching around the zoo with multiple young ones circling around them.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get over having hated pregnancy.

Mother fracker.

Advertisements

4 responses to “Another one

  1. Give yourself a few years, at your age there is nothing wrong with spacing a pregnancy a little longer and then you can be pregnant, have a job and insurance, and babyman will be old enough to be at preschool or JK or at least able to walk everywhere himself without you straining yourself.

    And that next pregnancy may drag while you are in it, but afterwards in your memory, it will fly by.

    P.S. I used to say words like “fudge” and “Oh sugar”, so motherfracker will fit the bill. đŸ˜‰

  2. It helped me to remember that I already did this short interpregnancy interval thing, and that if I was to do that again now, it would indeed be “again,” as in for the third time in as many years. And that simple math was enough to let me give myself a break from all of this.

    But hey– one of the first things I knew (and said) when I learned that A was dead was that I will never enjoy pregnancy again. So I hear you. But I think it’s ok too. Not good, but, you know, normal. As in it’s yet another facet of the experience, and it sucks, but what doesn’t suck about this?

  3. Mother fracker indeed.

    You *DO* see a lot of happily pregnant moms at the zoo with one or more kids in tow. But remember, that’s a self-selecting group: there are plenty of other moms on bed rest who aren’t in view. Those ladies are stuck at home alternating between worrying that picking up their toddler is going to damage their unborn kid and worrying that not picking up the toddler is hurting him/her.

    I’ve been in that second group, and my opinion/assvice is that I respect your desire to wait to try again. Enjoy your boy solo for awhile longer. I know you feel ancient after everything that went down. But you aren’t ancient yet. You still have some time.

  4. I sort of responded to this in the other comment I left on the other post. And I agree that waiting is important if you feel you need to. Took me more than a year and a half. And who knows where we’ll go.

    Listen to your instincts. When you’re ready, you’ll know.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s