a better day

My cervix was 3.4cm today, and my uterus has been very calm for the past week. I think the rest was necessary, but am oh so relieved that I don’t have to quit teaching. At the same time, I cannot wait for this semester to be over. A little dynamism in the cervix is “normal” for me, but at least so far we’ve not seen it below 3cm. The ultrasound tech, who is a very sweet woman, wasn’t entirely sure why I was such an anxious mess this morning.

“We don’t worry until it’s under 3cm.” Well, 3.1 cm is awfully close to three, and an attentive doctor will actually consider gestational age, not just a number. Don’t worry–I have an attentive doctor. We talked about how this is good news, but I should still be conservative with my activity, just keep doing what I’ve done this week.

Last week’s 3.1 isn’t a great number for 23-24 weeks. This weeks 3.4 is just below the mean of 3.5. It puts me just below the 50th percentile. I prefer to always be above 95 in all things, but I must consider reality.

It’s thankfully not where I was with Natan (thank you 17P), when I’d been kind suspecting but told to ignore contractions for quite a few weeks. I think about that, without malice and anger, fairly regularly. When I went off the 17P, and had my cerclage removed with Samuel, everyone but Dr. K. suspected I’d immediately go into labor. I was seeing her partners more often in those weeks, in case I delivered with them. Dr. K said, “I think if we get you past 32, you’re going to term. That’s just my anecdotal experience with cases like yours.” But “cases like mine” get wrapped up in the overall story of unexplained pre-term delivery, as well as with those with explanations. I hope hope hope this is still true, that I’ll still fit her experience. The next 7.5 weeks will be scary, and then I’ll be headed toward an easy term delivery.

I think about things with no clear explanation, just “anecdotes.” After my cerclage came out and my shots stopped, I went through more than 3 weeks of prodromal labor, and very, very slow shortening and dilation of my cervix. I kinda just think that’s how my uterus and reproductive system behave without intervention. Slow almost unnoticeable progress towards full on labor. I know women with clear PTL, and women with clear IC. I wish I knew about more women like me.

This morning, though, at the doctor’s office, the release from the cervical fear was FUN. I went from the u/s room to the examination room, and I did not bury the baby magazines or turn them upside down. I actually looked at baby products. I looked at new breast pump descriptions. I wondered if this baby will sleep for months in his rocker rather than his crib. I coveted one of these: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=12469223. I thought about how maybe I want a sit and stand stroller to go with our old Bob. I felt so silly….so almost normal.

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2 responses to “a better day

  1. So glad you get to have that almost normal feeling, almost normal experience, after everything you’ve been through. Hope it continues!

  2. You deserve normal! I’m glad you’re getting at least a few minutes of normal. Everything about my pregnancy with Jimmy was normal, and now when I think back to it I realize what a luxury that was, having that kind of faith in the whole thing. When I think about our friends who lost their son two years ago, one of the thoughts that always enters my mind is that they’ll never have a “normal” pregnancy. Even if everyone’s prayers and hopes come true and she gets pregnant and everything goes perfectly, the opportunity to experience pregnancy in a “normal” way is gone. It makes me so angry and sad. It’s heartening to hear you have moments of normal.

    And in the next few months, when you’re ready, get the double stroller. Samuel will love standing on the back like a big kid.

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