Time moved so much more slowly last time around. On the one hand, I cannot believe I’m only 27 weeks, 6 days pregnant today. But on the other, I cannot believe I still have 2 months, 3 weeks to go. I hadn’t been thinking that much about timelines and dates until Sunday, when I realized I’ve had this cerclage in for almost 14 weeks, and and am halfway done with progesterone shots. My cerclage will come out in a little over 8 weeks– less than two months–assuming all goes well.
I have to admit I’m more nervous about the removal than I was about the insertion. Both times, the surgery to put my cerclage in went easily. Looking through my archives right now, I realize I posted two lines about my cerclage coming out, and promised details later. I never gave the details. It was pretty miserable. It had scarred over, and was so painful and terrifying. Alas, it has to come out and I’ll just have to bear it. I’m not promising any grinning; but, I am thinking about asking Dr. H for a shot or two of whiskey beforehand for my anxiety. (I hope I don’t have to tell anyone I’m kidding.)
I read a post on another blog by a woman going through IVF about how much a woman has to go through alone to bring a child into the world. She wrote about having to go to so many doctor’s appointments alone, because of her husband’s work schedule, but how she wishes sometimes that he’d make more of an effort to find room in his schedule. Obviously, my process starts a bit later since we can conceive without medical intervention.
With Samuel, because Josh was writing his dissertation and not teaching that year, he was able to be at almost every scheduled appointment as well as multiple panicky last minute appointments and L&D visits. I think he even came along pretty often for my progesterone shots. We really went through every possible step and stage together. It was my body, so there were limits, but essentially I was never alone. Now, I’m alone a lot. Josh took Samuel to visit his grandparents and cousins last week so Samuel could have a bit of a vacation while his preschool was closed and so Josh could get some work done. Except for two nights when an old friend came over with dinner (we’re so lucky to have one of those here this year), a few hours one afternoon when a new friend took me out for coffee, and an hour when another friend drove me to get my shot, I was alone. That was actually kind of nice. I missed them, but it would have been so stressful trying to keep Samuel busy and happy every day all day. Instead, I just graded, read 4 novels, and watched two whole television series on Hulu and Netflix.
But I have felt lonely during my doctors’ appointments. Josh has only come along for the anatomical scan. There’s nothing to be done about it though. As a university professor, Josh can’t just take teaching hours off, and our teaching schedules are deliberately staggered in case Samuel’s sick (which has happened all of once this year, but you know, possibilities.) Even if I fit them in while Josh has free time during the day, the appointments take a really long time. Hours, most of it spent in waiting rooms between the lab, the U/S room, and the consultation room with the doctor. It’s very different from in Michigan where I didn’t have much blood work, and Dr. K. did the U/S measurement of my cervix herself. It must be so different for Josh, too, not seeing any of what happens during those appointments.
I’m often the only visibly pregnant woman in the waiting rooms by herself. Most women come with someone. Probably 2/3 come with another woman, and then 1/3 with a man. Of course, most women only have appointments once a month. Very often they bring other children with them, probably because they lack daycare. But I would not bring Samuel along, no matter what, as I would not want him in the room for bad or scary news. I don’t mind too much, I’m very matter-of-fact when it comes to doctor’s appointments.
Yet I do often wonder what I’d do if an appointment turned bad. Could I make it through that waiting room by myself? Drive myself? Clearly I could, and would. I’d have to, and I can function pretty well in an emergency, especially if by myself.
Ugh. I want to be pregnant for 12 more weeks, but I so hope they pass quickly.