blargh, I’m tired

In the grand scheme of things, all is going well and I’m content and happy as can be. But in mundane terms, yikes it’s been a rough week. I have a thoughtful post saved as a draft, but I’m having trouble finding the time to complete complex thoughts. Hence, a venting vomit on the page post seems sufficient for today before too much time passes without my writing here. I’m finding writing here again tremendously helpful, getting my thoughts on a page helps my mind feel clearer.

Jonah is three weeks today! It seems already like he’s always been here. Samuel’s doing well with him, but definitely craving more time alone with me. I’ve been working hard to find moments to spend playing with him, but it’s really hard. Jonah’s still breastfeeding every 1,5-3 hours (really more like every 2-2.5) and still has his nights and days messed up. I’m not complaining about that, it’s to be expected. But it makes each day feel like I’m in a hamster wheel, where I struggle to just meet needs moment by moment and worry about whether I’m giving everyone enough attention, and whether I’m being too impatient with or negligent of Samuel.

Speaking of, Samuel’s trying so hard to behave and keep everyone happy, but I can tell he’s struggling a little bit. He keeps telling me elaborate stories about things that clearly didn’t happen just to get my attention. Such as, last night as I was feeding Jonah, he yelled out, “Oh no! Tom peed under my bed.” Didn’t happen. This morning he told me a complicated story about how he fell in the pool yesterday after the maintenance man filled it up too high and his grandma saved him. Also didn’t happen.

So I’m tired, and it seems like as soon as I finish nursing Jonah, it’s all I can do to finish tasks like keeping up with email, dealing with house and household stuff, before it’s time to feed him again. We’re moving in a week, and I cannot wait to be settled. We’re so cramped in this apartment, and I’m tripping over toys and boxes and shoes all the time.

Meanwhile, Josh is out of the country. My mother-in-law is here, and it’s helpful but adds to my sense of disorder. Yesterday was a total mess because I got about 2 hours of sleep and then it turned out that Josh’s luggage is lost and none of our credit cards or his debit card is working abroad, all for a different reason. So he was without money, clothing, or toiletries. Definitely relearned our lesson about packing carryons and to never travel without cash, but honestly with a newborn and our having closed on the house on Friday, this was hardly his most carefully and conscientiously planned trip. So my bank, acknowledging their mistake, agreed to wire him money out of our account and they’d pay the Western Union charge. Phew. I’m still waiting to hear if it worked and he has the money.

It’s kind of funny. A few days ago I asked him if he was looking forward to 5 nights of unlimited sleep and free time. But what’s really happened is he’s spent the last 2 days in the same clothing and without access to money while in a foreign country. Fun fun. Fortunately he’s been at a conference where most of the food is provided.

And that’s where we are today.

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5 responses to “blargh, I’m tired

  1. Oh my. Oh that’s all plenty to be going on with! I do hope the move goes smoothly.

  2. Ouch all around! None of this sounds stress-free. I hope at least Josh’s situation is resolved by now, and that your move in the end is as easy as these things go. Best of luck!

  3. Yikes, that’s a lot going on at once. Hang in there…hope it all calms down after the move.

  4. **waving** hullo hullo. I hope all is well and that the move and settling in has gone as smoothly as possible (and if not, that you’re hanging in there alright!).

  5. Having a baby is a piece of cake compared to caring for a baby. The crying! The anxiety over whether one is “doing it right,” the breastfeeding, the sleepless nights!
    Especially the sleepless nights. They turned me into a dazed, weeping mess. For months I fantasized about running away to a nice hotel where I could crawl between freshly laundered sheets and sleep for days.
    No wonder sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. I suspect your husband, bedraggled and out of funds as he is, is having a better time than you are!

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