Just a quick post before we get moving on the day because I need encouragement.
Yesterday T., who is going to be a meteorologist, was showing us pictures of some tornado chasing he did this spring, and saying things like, “that wall cloud was two miles away,” “see how it’s trying to form funnel clouds,” and “that one was right over us!” It was great to see his pictures, and his excitement about them. But then it got me thinking about how much it would terrify me if my kid wanted to chase tornadoes. I thought about what I would do if my son wanted to accompany his uncle some day, because what kid wouldn’t be really fascinated by storm chasing? And that son I was thinking about was Natan, and I somehow knew that he would have loved tornadoes too. I got really sad that he’ll never have the chance to see one.
further records 
I have similar thoughts about my boys. But someone once pointed out that they will never be hurt, injured, or sick…they will never suffer. I’m not sure it’s a great trade-off…but it gives me some comfort. {{{hugs}}}
I’m sorry you are sad. It’s true that he won’t see a tornado, and he is safe, but it’s also true that your other future yet to be children WILL see tornados. (Hopefully not quite so up close. Maybe on TV?)
I’m sorry. I have these kind of thoughts too. I think we’ll both be having healthy, wonderful babies this year, and they’ll have the world.
I am terribly sorry that you are feeling sad. I hear you on the kid wanting to do dangerous things, but I have finally resolved to be supportive of whatever makes my kid happy. It all comes down to doing what makes you truly happy.
That is a big loss. One more big loss. I am sorry.
I tell myself that these things come, and that it’s ok. But they do make you sad, don’t they?
This is something I think about a lot — all the things that our children missed out on because their lives were cut so short. I try to tell myself that at least they never realized what they were missing. But that doesn’t always help.
Big hug from me.
Sara- I’m sorry. Never is such a hard word to accept.
I like to imagine that my babies are experiencing things I can only dream of, and that maybe they feel sorry for what I am missing out on too. It doesn’t help much… but a little.
Grieving what could have been but never will be is unimaginable yet you and many others do it. I am not sure the grieving ever goes away nor would I suppose any would want it too either. We can hope and nothing can take away our hope…so I am hoping for brighter tomorrows for you Sara…always!
Sara,
I just wanted to let you know that I understand.
I do think of William as my baby that I carried inside of me and held in my arms for too short of a time, and I imagine what it would have been like to care for him as an infant. But more than that I *see* him in little boys of all ages–even the teens who I teach. I have a very clear vision of the boy and young man he would have grown into.
I am sending (((((hugs))))) to you.
Hugs. As I’ve said at Niobe’s place, I adopted all my children so I cannot imagine what it is like to carry a child and lose him. All I can do is send hugs.