We’ll see if this works

After yesterday’s post, maybe you all are wishing this were Josh’s blog. But since he’s currently doing everything else in the house except for sleeping and taking pills, I thought I’d see if I could manage to get the connection to cooperate long enough for me to post.

I slept until 10am this morning. That felt nice and lazy. Uterus is relatively calm. Baby is active. I, however, am a complete basket case, absolutely terrified. I know the stats are strongly on our side now, but I’m so scared something will go wrong. Part of me wishes we were in the hospital, just so I’d be feet away from the NICU, but I also realize it could still be weeks until I deliver and it’s much healthier and less stressful here. The uncertainty is driving me insane. I also think I should be working but my inclination is to stare at the ceiling concentrating on keeping my cervix closed and chanting “stay in there” to the baby. Fun times.

My sister helped a lot yesterday. When I said, “at least the baby’s been head down for the last week and a half,” she said, “that means nothing, the baby can still turn.” Thanks. The doctors have all been emphasizing his position as a positive. Have we forgotten that a suddenly flipping to breech baby is one of my biggest fears? People’s memories are so short.

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14 responses to “We’ll see if this works

  1. You sister …. Oh my. Yes, well.

    Head down is wonderful! Yay baby!

    My assvice? Don’t work; go right ahead and hang out, staring at the ceiling fan and chanting if that’s what feels best.

  2. nah…we like Josh too, but we come here for you. glad you were able to sneak out a post from the bed.

    i feel for you on that “want to be near the NICU, want to be home” conundrum…i ended up having the dilemma of choice taken away from me after the first few weeks of bedrest with O, and to be honest, i was happier that way. (miserable, in one sense, as i was four hours from home and family and pretty isolated, but content on the other hand because “they” had taken responsibility off my shoulders. i, however, was still back at 25 weeks at this point, not the fabulous 30 that you are!)

    don’t work unless it actually distracts you from the fear. be kind to yourself, and as patient as you can be.

  3. Getting online to check blogs has been a challenge since we moved on Saturday. I have just read back to the last few posts and am so sorry that you and Josh have been through so much in the past several days. It’s good to hear that you are home and that the anti-contrx meds are working and not effecting you too negatively. I’m hoping that the days go by quickly, that the meds continue to do their job, and that your little guy continues to grow safe-and-sound and blissfully unaware of all the commotion on the outside.

  4. I am all for blowing off work to concentrate on what you need to concentrate on. And work is overrated anyway. πŸ™‚
    Your sister? Urgh…. Not cool.

    That was a beautiful post from Josh. If he writes more often, it would be great. But not instead of you. πŸ™‚

  5. Yeah. Josh probably thinks we all have crushes on him now. Well… maybe we do… But it’s you we love!

    I can understand your mixed feelings about home vs. hospital. I know I would be feeling the same way in your shoes. But, it is nice for you to be where you feel comfortable, and more relaxed (if that is even remotely possible!).

    Keep chanting and staring at the ceiling! I can’t even imagine all that must be going through your mind these days…

    And can you see me sticking my tongue out at your sister?!?

  6. B-I am thinking of you and your little guy. Hoping he stays put and grows. It is amazing to me that you’re able to get on and post, even through the stress I know you must be feeling.

    With work, if you truly feel like it, do it, if not, don’t. Josh’s post was beautiful, but it is good to hear from you.

  7. Hang in there Beruriah. I’m thinking of you. This must be terrifying. (((Hugs)))

  8. It was nice to meet Josh but I’m so glad to hear your voice.
    Of course you’re terrified – it’s scary even though, as you know, the odds are really on your side. And don’t even worry about work if you can help it. You’re growing a person, lady!

  9. We love to hear from you, but I like to hear the male perspective on things, especially loss and subsequent pregnancies and all that encompasses. My DH would never open it, so it’s nice to hear a male that does. Glad to hear that things are still looking good. And yeah.. glad to hear that baby boy is still head down. Please don’t do anything you don’t have to do. That’s what family and friends are for (you probably thought they were just there to make stupid comments sometimes), so make use of them. I hope these next few weeks fly by, and yes, the stats are on your side, but it is hard to embrace stats after a loss. Just try to stay positive, and if it helps to chant, then CHANT!!

  10. Thanks for the positive vibes, everyone. But, don’t worry, I won’t be posting all that much here. I kept on meaning to introduce myself, and I wrote posts at various points, but they always ended up self-censored. But now that I’ve done it, I’ll probably just fade into the background of “DH” anonymity. πŸ™‚

  11. I’m really kind of wishing I could slap some sense into your sister. Perhaps she’s just clueless, but why on earth would she say something like that to someone who’s already in a scary situation (even though things are going well? I’m just so astounded at her statement, that I’m having trouble thinking of anything else to say.

  12. Yeah, your sister is, well, she sounds like my relatives!

    And actually, Josh sounds really nice! It’s okay to for him to post once in awhile, hehe. I guess! Just don’t you leave.

    And yes, do think about something else besides your uterus. Can you read in bed? Maybe books or papers, not on a computer?

  13. Take good care of yourself, S. Thinking of you lots.

  14. beruriah – i’m rooting for you and the lessening of the contractions. i’m glad the nifedipine is working, it was nice to read a post by josh, and maybe to pass the time you can take some random pictures from where you’re bedresting while chanting. πŸ™‚

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