I apologize if you want one of these, but I just saw a commercial for it and couldn’t help but think, “How hideous.”
I don’t understand what this coin has to do with Liberia, although it’s another fascinating piece of evidence in my ongoing interest in the historical relationship between the US and Americo-Liberians.
Wishlist: We are registered at two online stores to satisfy the non-blog family and friends, but we really don’t need anything. We know so many other little babies (especially boys) that we’re all set just from hand-me downs. What I’m really wishing for at the moment is a bit of relief from a hellish case of sciatica. Any advice beyond an appointment with a chiropractor or a masseuse since there’s likely not time for that while I’m still pregnant? I walked maybe 6 (short, not city) blocks yesterday and you’d have thought I ran a marathon what from the panting and muscle aches. Last night I had to hold on to walls and furniture to walk. I think I’m gonna invest in Pee Wee Pilates & some post-partum yoga DVDs after the baby is born. I’m too scared to buy them or sign up in advance. I just have to sigh when I think of my months and months of pre-pregnancy working out. I’d like to think I’d be even worse off had I not been so diligent.
We have snow. Yesterday we had ground cover, but the morning sun melted much of it. Snow reminds me just how very close we are getting to the end of the year, and how I have spent most of this year on this couch where I sit now. I am sad as I think of Natan’s little grave being covered in white yet again, and grateful that he is in an easy place to locate in the cemetery. We are less than one month away now from the anniversary of when I entered the hospital.
Yet I am glad for the passage of time, and acutely aware of how privileged I am among us to have that comfort. I am hopeful that, even as I will never live without this pain and grief, happier times are on their way. That while I’ll always be Natan’s mother, mother of a dead baby, I will also get to be the mother of a living child. I want to be his chauffeur, his tutor, his teacher, everything. I hope he keeps me up at night, and tires me out with endless questions. While I know parenthood isn’t easy, I hope I never forget, ever, for a second that it can’t possibly be as difficult as the path we took to it.
But mostly right now I just wish he would get here already.
My dead baby nightmares are fewer and farther between than earlier in the pregnancy, but not gone. I’ll spare you all the details, but last night I dreamt that Josh and I had sex, and afterwards I pulled a bone out of my va.gina.
Like so many of my other dreams, it needs no interpretation.
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